welcome, welcome

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.
Deuteronomy 4:29

philippians 4:13

after one week of Bartlesville, i actually miss home a lot. it’s hard to talk to people from home sometimes because i’m scared i’ll feel sad or jealous of the stories they might tell of hanging out together..

but, don’t get me wrong. i’ve had some good times here, too.. but somehow at the end of the day, it doesn’t feel the same. maybe that’s the difference between being surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ all the time.. 

i suppose i’ve grown comfortable and used to this blessing that God has given me for the past three years, but i am determined to make the most of this experience. 

God, give me strength. i definitely cannot do this alone.. 

Bartlesville

A couple of things:

1. The city isn’t ALL that bad.. I was definitely expecting more farms and rural areas, but the area I’m in is quite nice. Small, quieter version of Houston suburbs..

2. People STARE at me.. A LOT. I don’t think they see many Asians around here.

3. Sooners are everywhere! I met at least a dozen of them today on my floor at work, and they all laughed at me when I told them I go UT Austin. Then, they called me brave for agreeing to come here.. And, if I wanted to get re-hired, I’d have to wear an OU polo on casual Friday if they bought me one. Haha, they got jokes..

4. My only Bartlesville friends so far are old people.. But hey, they’re easy to talk to. And they’ve got stories to tell.. I love stories.

5. I am tired.. First day of work, I showed up at 7:25AM when I didn’t have to report until 8:00AM.. I definitely overestimated the amount of traffic there would be because there was none!!

6. Bartlesville kind of reminds me of Austin, except that.. it’s quieter. There’s no night life. There’s no traffic or j-walkers. Ok, so maybe it’s not quite like Austin, but  it’s just a feeling.. 

Clearly, I haven’t had much time to process a lot of things.. But I’ll be back with a more worthy post later and some pictures. Thank you to all those that have been checking in and praying for me! Means a l o t. 

Congratulations to all the 2012 UT graduates! Wish i could’ve been there to celebrate with you all :(

REC WEEK 2012 starts tomorrow. I guess this is really happening…

My feelings at the moment: anxiouslyexcited

And, happy mother’s day, mommy. I love you more than any other human being, maybe aside from daddy because I love you both the same.. But, this is a day for mothers and where you get to be officially appreciated for all that you do. Thanks for all your selflessness and love you have shown me over the years! You are truly the best. I know you hate this picture, but I LOVES IT, like I love you. Keke.

And, happy mother’s day, mommy. I love you more than any other human being, maybe aside from daddy because I love you both the same.. But, this is a day for mothers and where you get to be officially appreciated for all that you do. Thanks for all your selflessness and love you have shown me over the years! You are truly the best.

I know you hate this picture, but I LOVES IT, like I love you. Keke.

Done with junior year! And, now my summer starts.. 

I think I can say that I’m weary of my summer in Bartlesville, Oklahoma. I’m not really sure what to think of it just yet, but then again, I’ve been saying that since the beginning of the semester.. No idea why God has it in my plans to intern in Oklahoma. Maybe it’s to force me out of my comforts in Austin and Houston, or to give me some quiet, alone time to spend with Him. Whatever His plan is, I hope I’ll be able to really see it and hold onto it. I mean, most people would be excited for change or some adventure.. But I am not. Maybe that is why He’s sent me off for the summer.. I hope that even when I’m there I will be able to find a church and some community. Although I know I’ll never be alone, I can’t help but feel like I’ll probably get the feeling somehow. But, I do hope that I’ll be able to be a light to others around me and that I won’t fall into the cycle of living a double life. However, in the midst of all this doubting.. I am hopeful and looking forward to seeing what God will teach me or how He will use me there. So BARTLESVILLE, bring it.

Another thought. Just before I leave for the foreign land of the Sooners, God had somehow made it possible for me to spend one last week with my AACM community at RecWeek! I am excited.. a little nervous, but mostly excited. Next year, God has called me to serve on core team as a small group coordinator! It’s intimidating looking at the previous years’ teams.. I’m not sure I see myself as “being on the same level” as previous leaders from years before, and I’m not going to lie.. I started having a lot of feelings of inadequacy. Feeling like my walk with God wasn’t strong enough or deep enough, feeling like while there will be other leaders that would be looking TO me for guidance they would know more than me, feeling like somehow I’ll fall flat on my face during some large group or prayer meeting.. Okay, maybe not literally.. BUT still, this is a scary thing. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be standing here now, especially when I first came into college. But then after thinking more and more about my fears and doubts, I feel so lame talking about how I’m scared and or worried about my summer while God has called other to bigger and scarier things.. Makes me feel like my problems are so trivial, and how could I doubt a God who cares and loves so passionately. So, maybe that is why God has brought me to this point.. to challenge me, to grow me, and to mold me into the person I need to be to help Him further His glory and kingdom. WHO KNOWS? I do not. I guess we shall see..